Are your choices rooted in love or fear?

My dad and I have very different views on food and nutrition. He is a dieter. It’s been a variety of diets over the years. It’s been strict, to ½ on ½ off, to falling off the wagon and starting the process over again. The exercise routines go from daily to nonexistent. The weight comes off and comes back on.

He is undeniably proud of me for starting my own business and yet I don’t like to talk to him about my work. Sometimes I don’t feel like explaining and ultimately defending intuitive eating. It’s exhausting to have anything you are passionate about fall upon deaf ears. It wasn’t until he said “but you eat healthy, isn’t that just dieting?” that things finally clicked.

As I reflect, I realized it isn’t my dad that isn’t receptive to intuitive eating, it’s his internalized fatphobia. It is his fear of weight gain that keeps him trapped in the diets. His food choices are rooted in fear. His exercise is rooted in fear. This is not a unique story, this is the case for so many.

My food choices are rooted in love. Love for my taste buds, my body, and even my ethics/values. I allow satisfaction to be my guide and enjoy a variety of foods. This is intuitive eating. It is a practice rooted in self-love. I may eat some of the same foods that he does on a diet, but when I choose them it’s because I want them, not because a diet tells me to.

It’s fatphobia that feels (rightfully) threatened by intuitive eating. Fatphobia is not something that just goes away. It is something that you first need to recognize and get curious about before you can dismantle it. Fatphobia keeps us trapped in making decisions out of fear, intuitive eating allows us to trust our inner wisdom and make decisions out of love.

I don’t judge my dad (or anyone who diets) decision to pursue dieting. It is a cultural norm. We are taught to be fearful of fat and that diets are the only option. I don’t want you to feel any shame about dieting or wanting to diet, but I want you to know that there is another option.

I’m not here to “convert” anyone and I don’t need to defend intuitive eating, there are plenty of studies that prove its effectiveness. Sometimes planting a seed is the best thing that I can do. Getting away from the diet mentality can only take hold when you want it to. If you are reading this you are probably at least curious about ditching diets, so know that I will be here to talk when you are ready.